ArchHistory
From ArchWiki
As it is with so many other things, Arch has a history. Noted historian schivmeister has published a detailed dissertation documenting the history and development of the Arch Linux project, which is reproduced here for the official record.
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2020BCBC
Judd Vim is unhappy with the milk distributed by the Gods, because he appears to have been growing fatter day by day.
2000BCBC
Judd Vim starts making his own milk, as he wants to become He-Man. To become He-Man, he knows he must drink a form of milk that has less sugar. He starts off by carving the following on a stone:
"If milk has more than 5000Kg of sugar; then
- throw
else;
- put milk in pail"
1945BCBC
Some people come to savour this milk, because they were just about to manuphrakture their own when a cow tells them someone had already done that.
1930BCBC
These like-minded people decide that this milk is good enough; making their own would be a waste of time. They thank Judd for this, and tells him they would be proud to help him mass-produce this milk in much bigger pails.
1800BCBC
Life is good. Judd, along with his brethren, is drinking a form of "skimmed" milk they call "Arch". This skimmed milk soon happens to be in the pails of passers-by who were always happy with the Gods' milk, but they take a liking to this one - because it is "skimmed" and does not add to the fat. They contemplate that less fat would help them marry fairer maidens.
1775BCBC
There are now approximately 1,000,000 barbarians drinking skimmed Arch milk, of which 850,000 are complaining that "it needs more sugar". They seem to have forgotten why this skimmed Arch milk was produced in the first place.
1650BCBC
Discontent grows with regards to the amount of sugar. A Bloody Sunday takes place, where at least 350,000 opposition party members are thrown into the Valley of the Damned. More and more people keep asking for more and more sugar, they want it to taste like what the Gods distribute. They say milk should be "lean AND fat".
1550BCBC
Word gets out. Barbarians across the universe hear of stronger and meaner barbarians that are making a new kind of milk. They are meaner because they do not listen to the people. They are meaner because they reject the idea of adding more sugar. They are bad barbarians, or so they hear.
Phrak Turd, Judd Vim's wholiest disciple, warns the newcomers that this wholely skimmed milk exist for a reason - to be skimmed. Thus, to have more sugar is having no reason to have this milk. They do not want to carry 500-tonne pails full of imbalanced nutrition. Unfortunately, by the end of the century, 550,000 young milk warriors raise a war on Archmilkers because they cannot fathom that very reason as to why skimmed Arch milk exist.
Present Day
The future is red.